i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
