You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
