What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
