If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
