I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
