my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
