Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
