Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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