omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
