He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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