I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
