Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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