the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
