I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
