ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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