My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
