I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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