I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
