I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
