yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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