Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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