The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
