I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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