wrigley field is MILF paradise
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
