Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
