yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
