Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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