her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
