there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
