So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Randomize
