Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
