Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
