He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
