They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
