I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
