I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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