so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
