i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
