If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
