the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
