I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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