no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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