He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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