Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
