i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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