Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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