how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
