Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
