did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
