This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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