Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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