Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
